• Walk on Mommy as she sleeps.
  
• Yell for food.
  
• Eat.
  
• Play.
  
• Nap.
• Bite Pumpkin's butt.
  
• Clean self.
  
• Nap.
  
• Claw something.
  
• Whoop-ass on Pumpkin.
  
• Nap.
  
• Practice pouncing.
  
• Lay on Mommy's keyboard.
  
• Nap.
  
• Yell for food.
  
• Stare at something.
  
• Nap.
  
• Use kitty litter.
  
• Sleep.

• Purring is the humming sound a cat's body makes when manufacturing cuteness.
  
  
• Cats always know just how you're feeling. They don't care, but they know.

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I don't see you anymore. I'm lonesome here and it's difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem, because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you. His name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him 'Dog.'"

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.

And Adam was comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was pleased.

And the Dog was pleased.

And the Cat didn't give a crap one way or the other.

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and Cats."

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." (Right, mom?)

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." (That's pretty funny, but what's snow?)

"Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them."

"In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat."

"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."

"Even the stupidest cat seems to know more than any dog."

"Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailing ingenious in that respect."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."